Daily Question
Who is someone who is no longer in my life but whose memory continues to deeply impact me?
35 Reflections
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I believe it is more than memory. Twenty years ago I had the good fortune of being introduced to a psychiatrist who provided inner sensitivity training, this I availed of. This helpes me to tune into life and people at a different and deeper level. There are people who were close to me that have died. I sense their unique love and support around me and this impacts deeply on me.
My Mum who died in 2016. Nearly every day I have some small new insight into how she felt, her joys and sorrows, expressed in imperfect English and often not taken seriously. I tell her now: ‘Mum, I wish I had understood you better and helped you more.’ I like to think she feels my love beaming up to her every day!
I have been fortunate not to lose a great many people, either to death or circumstances. I don’t actually think about my grandmother Norma often, but I do believe that she was one of the most exceptional people I have known.
Compassion was not even second nature to her. It was her nature.
I knew her for 18 years, and I never heard her say a bad thing about another person. She raised six children, and all agree that she only yelled once.
She was dedicated to her family and her church. She loved reading and children, and I still remember the hours I spent with her as a child, just talking about whatever was on my mind.
Since she passed away just as I entered adulthood, I don’t think that I ever understood while she was alive just how unique her temperament was. The idea of a kindly grandmother is common in my culture, and I did not know the trials of adult life and parenthood (my grandmother grew up during the Great Depression and had her first child while her husband was fighting in World War II no less).
I do wish that I could find the same reserve of kindness that she had.
Erich what a gift to have had such a grandmother, thanks for sharing. Our grandmother also lived with us for long periods of time; she was a Seventh-Day Adventist though born Orthodox. Gentle, always putting others first, patient, hardworking, devoted to us as children. She and her sisters were the pillars of our extended family life, those were the golden years.
My mother, Rita. So much of who I am was formed by her love and encouragement. She believed in me and did everything she could to make me a curious, hard-working, literate person.
So many; for example like a dear friend who inspired many and so me too, whose talent creates the most beautiful mandalas originating of her ability to imagination and wise insight or her loving care for her overflowing flowering garden; my first friend when we both were teenagers, who came to visit unexpectedly and who took all the effort to come from far only to see his first love but whom I never saw again because of difficult and very embarrassing circumstances we both had been confronted with then; my school teacher in arts who, due to his excellent and manifold teachings in creating beauty will always have an impact on whatever kind of creativity will be expressed; the kind woman my mother recommended where to work during my semester breaks to earn some additional money, who taught me how to cook well in addition to the already quite good cooking abilities my mother had conveyed already ; my boyfriend of long days ago who passed already, with whom I had the great pleasure to spend our holidays in a bird berth for about 6 weeks as a volunteer in pure nature and protected area on a small island, experiencing nature in all its beauty in his loving company; all great gifts of dear ones living on in me in my heart.
Perhaps my younger self. Every now and again there is a reflection on the person I was but am no longer. Very different now but in some ways the same, but not here anymore.
My father. Because of his example, I strive to be a kind and generous person. He never failed to help anyone who needed it. Every kind word , assistance, or a thank you I make to another person reminds me that I follow in his footsteps.
My dear brother Kerry & my mom. My brother has been gone for 18 months & my mom passed 8 months ago. They were a huge part of my life, my support system, social life, my everything in certain ways. Some days I feel a deep emptiness that shakes me to my core. I get overwhelmed when I realize I have not spoken to my brother in over 18 months, have not shared laughs together or talked about all the BS going on. There is so much I wish I could talk to him about & laugh over together. I miss them both everyday.
Life goes on & I am learning how to live with this deep loss. I guess I am learning how to absorb grief into my life & how to be with it. Some days are easier than others.
My Dad! I have a little photo on my wall of him holding me, with a bottle, when I was a baby. I look so contented. 🙂
Absolutely my mother. My father as well, in a quiet way, but my mom is the one whose teachings formed the foundation of who I am. She has been dead since 2014 but she lives on in the way I start with kindness, care about people who haven’t had my opportunities, do things with the position and abilities I have thanks to those opportunities to try to make the world a better place, and in the way I hear her laugh coming out of my mouth and see her hands sticking out of my sleeves.
I thought about the quote from a couple of days ago when I read today’s question:
“Our fates are tied. We have this strange notion on this planet that our fates are not tied. If it were not so we would not be here together. It’s that simple.” Luisah Teish
That said, many folks come to mind and not all of them deeply impacted me in a positive way. This question is a reminder to remember that my words and actions have power. We are all teachers. That is such a humbling reality.
My mother’s bestfriend. He died eleven years ago but everytime I have a problem I try to think what he would do in that situation.
There are many people that have placed deposits of love and connection in my life. My mother even though she was fairly reserved it was a deep connection there between us. Two priests at a private school I want to, the Reverend John Walker, who later became bishop of the episcopal national cathedral in Washington DC, and Mr. Courtney Carpenter who is kindness just exhausted from every pore. It was also a schoolmate who is in my junior and senior years at Saint Paul school became a close friend. His name is Doug Coffrin. to each I owe a debt of gratitude for the person I am today.
My both sets of grandfathers — one who was a teacher and instilled the love of learning and curiosity in me, and the other, who was a meditator, who helped kindle the meditation practice in me.
For good or not, for happiness or other than happy, everyone I can recall.
Both have their place in my evolution: appreciation for the joy, happiness, comfort, adventure, etc and for the learning to accept and forgive and transcend and see the moving beyond.
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Said very well. Thanks!
I had a wonderful teacher once who was so kind and understood me so well. We got back in touch when I much older. I had always remembered her and will never forget her.
My older brother, he passed away 8 years ago at the age of 44. I think of him often and wish randomly a phone call would be possible to catch up on life. 🙂
my ex, Sherri.
There is a quote from the musical “Wicked” that honors those who have blessed our lives: “Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.”
This sparked the memory of going to New York City with my older daughter when she was 13. We saw “Wicked” on Broadway with almost the entire original cast and it was so, so fabulous. (Joel Grey was out that night but whoever played the wizard did not disappoint.) Idina Mendel! Kristin Chenoweth!
So wonderful you got to see it with your daughter Barb. It is surely a lovely memory for both of you. Good memories can sustain us with times are no so good. I always liked that quote. The people on this site are changing me for good. 💙🧙♂️
My grandmother deeply impacted my life. She had 7 children, 3 of which had Fredrickstaxia (sp?) a crippling disease that presents at adolescence.
And yet, she did not show worry or anxiety or anger. She was very peaceful, religious/spiritual.
All 3 children with the disease went on to become incredible adults.
Two were engineers and my uncle helped in developing Doppler. My aunt was a school teacher. My grandmother pushed them to rise above their limitations. And her life taught me that no matter the challenges life throws at you, if you continue to stay grounded in God – all things are possible.
Such an inspiring story. Thank you. You are strong roots.
Thank you, Cathie, for that inspriring post! 🙂
My relationship with my mother was very difficult at times but there were so many other older women who came along to help me in different ways – rides to work, a job, friendship, encouragement, faith, wisdom, and someone to dry my tears. Everyone, including my mom, has blessed me and I am grateful.
I’ve had an interesting ride with little death in my immediate circle. At 47 my parents are alive. My grandmother passed at 97 just two years ago. I do reflect and laugh at her enduring legacy. But, my friend Kirk died a few years ago after a long illness. He knew he would die for several years before he made the transition. He lived so robustly. He loved so fully. He is a teacher on embracing life with all you have.
What a wonderful description of your friend!
Thank you, Barb
My mom. I am grateful for her many examples of quiet courage and miss her every day.
There are many. I am 65 so many I have known, cared for and loved have left this earth to the great beyond. One, Paul Miller, died young at 30. I was 28. A great friend and young sheep farmer. I learned a lot about sheep and forage farming from him and also an early lesson about impermanence.
My Mum and Dad who passed on many years ago but their love still sustains me. And Byl, the dearest friend I’ve ever had, whose wisdom I treasure. She was much older than me and was a wonderful guiding light at a time when I was really struggling.
Jim Toothaker, mentor, friend, Quaker minister, and elder, who helped me to understand that ministry is a “blessing and a curse.” Jim may be gone, but he remains in my life every day.
I have never read or heard the name Toothaker before Kevin. Did he pronounce it tooth-ache-er or tooth-icker?
My Great Grandma J, Papaw D, and Grandma N – all angels watching over me and others. Then there are a few who are still alive that I’m grateful aren’t in my life anymore. A toxic ex best friend who controlled me for years and a toxic ex husband. I grew so much once I found the strength in myself to get away from those people, and the love I found for myself has allowed my life to blossom in so many ways since then. It was not easy, but it was well worth it.
Yup, sunnypatti – hard times in the past can make the present so much more enjoyable! 🙂
Three cheers for you sunnypatti. I know how difficult that can be. In doing it, you have surely made some others people’s lives better too.
My ex is no longer “in my life “, but he and I impact each other in many ways. Even if you get a divorce you are not ever fully rid of that person.
The relationship I made with my ex for 20 years with three wonderful boys is still continuing. I’m grateful that we now have a great relationship. We work well together and I we both want each other’s happiness and good will. This impacts everyone around us. I’m happy that our relationship is the way it is now. It goes to show that things ending doesn’t mean that new happiness is not possible.
Natures flow is gratefulness.
That’s a wonderful success story that makes such a difference for your sons. I tried for that with my ex on behalf of my daughters.
My dear husband Karel has passed away, but if I were to say that he is no longer in my life, then I deny a very strong feeling. The feeling of love and guidance.💞
Everyone we have know is a part of us, some more than others. So glad you still feel Karel’s love and you surely share it with others too.
Indeed, Christine, they remain in our lives every day even though that person may have passed.
Our love doesn’t die. Wonderful . ❤️
Two spiritual gentle giants who role modeled fidelity to their values of caring for the elderly and destitute. They nurtured me in many ways in my 20’s. Alphonsia and Roselda; Franciscans in Colorado Springs,,
My first girlfriend ” Mommy” and My grandfather