I believe many people that cause pain (trespass against me) are mainly striking out because of their own internal pain. Love they neighbor isn’t always easy and when do you get to the point of fighting back and try to stop their behavior? In my life many times Karma will be the end result. I guess at those times then I feel grateful that the nonsense has stopped!
Robin Ann– I like to think of the image of the two hands of nonviolence described by Barbara Deming. One hand is in a firm STOP position— saying STOP what you are doing: it is harming me and if you are harming me you are also harming yourself. The other hand is palms up, saying “I am still open to you as a human being”. And yes, I think what you said is wise — they often are mainly striking out because of their own internal pain.
I think of a relationship but i find myself being reluctant to express gratefulness. I want to heal, but I feel as though this person isn’t deserving? Although I know everyone does deserving healing, I feel as though this person hasn’t shown me “enough” for me to express these feelings of gratitude and joy. Then I’m asking myself what is enough? Will it ever be enough? Hmm. Much to think on.
It’s my thought that gratefulness can contribute to healing in all situations. There is a big difference between a cure and a healing. One can be healed even if they are not cured.
Gratefulness will contribute to healing my insecurities and sadness over aging.
I have lived in a world where people have always thought I am younger than I am.
I have always loved that, especially as the years go by.
My husband says we are old, and I tell him to speak for himself.
I want to be young. I like the energy of young people.
But I also love older people, especially those who value kindness, inclusivity, creativity and possibility.
And those who have learned from their life experiences, and become wise.
It’s time for me to own my age.
Much of what I love about Brother David is what feels to me like youthfulness.
But it is not about his age.
I love his enthusiasm, his openness, his warmth.
He is not judgmental. He is kind and hopeful.
Thinking about growing old (I’d like to just discard the word old, but that’s me. )
Thinking about my life as years go by, I can use Brother David’s teachings on gratefulness to heal.
His way of viewing life through gratefulness and possibility shows me how age with joy.
My ego is bruised by the outward effects of aging.
I want to hold onto smooth youthful skin
and a limber body.
I feel insecure without these, but nature persists in taking these from me.
So inside me there is a battle going on between my insistence on keeping that which I am losing,
and letting go into the unknown, opening myself to possibility and opportunity.
My ego insists on holding onto smooth skin.
Gratefulness shows me the way to open up into abundance.
Our grandson, Emerick. recently asked me why I have crinkly skin and crooked fingers. I told him that was the results of a life lived out of doors. It has been a long time since smooth skin I suppose.
I think you can get an idea as to the kind of work someone has done by looking at their hands.
But hey, I’ve got some fingers starting to get crooked and I was an art teacher.
Not fair! 😆
When I think of the hurts that I have endured or the pain the has been inflicted on me in my lifetime, gratefulness is the balm the might lead to healing.
To think about these episodes through the lens of gratefulness is not an easy task. In many ways I am grateful for all that I have experienced, but when I think of individual hurts, it’s a bit harder to stay in gratefulness.
I think this will be a fantastic practice to start.
Hi Charlie. I’m not grateful for pain that was inflicted on me by others.
I am grateful for some of the outcomes of injuries, but not for the injuries themselves.
For me letting go of hurt and anger are challenging enough.
Wishing grateful healing for us all.
♥️
For many years I’ve struggled with negative thought patterns. Lately I’ve really been trying to work on this, as it’s to the point where it’s negativity impacting more than one area of my life.
The wisdom gained from this site has really helped me – in particular Carol’s recent post about putting these thoughts away in a “box” in my mind, and Joseph’s comment about how his addiction has a separate room in his mind.
Gratefulness also plays its own part in helping to counteract these thoughts and disengage the all too familiar thought patterns by bringing me back to the now, by challenging negativity, and by reminding me of all the good I do have in my life.
Lauryn, My mentor many years ago helped me with my negative thoughts. He labeled them “the Bully.” He told me that there was and is a part of me that has never been afraid. He encouraged me to call that part forth to tell the Bully to sit down and shut up.He gave me the image of that unafraid part of me picking up that little girl in me that is so frightened and telling her that together we can make it. All is well and will be well. That imagery helped me a lot because I chose to believe that there is a part of me that has never been afraid. Today, I realize the truth in his statement. There truly is a part of each and everyone of us that has never been afraid. It just gets covered up by childhood happenings but it is there. May you call it forth.
I am not sure how to answer this. I am grateful for all your postings.
Lately, I feel more comfortable in my own skin. I feel grateful for my life and all the events that made this life. I am sure that the practice of being grateful, has a lot to contribute to this feeling.
My relationships to money and status. The hedonic treadmill feels real, it certainly has momentum (especially in the US). I’m taking a spell to deliberately step off it to re-evaluate. Am finding a surprising amount of baggage there. Gratefulness, again and again, will help heal that part of my life.
This is not an easy question for me to answer. I presently have no idea and will think about this throughout the day. Hopefully; I will figure it out and return with a cohesive reply later today. Wishing you all a safe and good day.
My mind is a place where gratefulness contributes to healing. When I’m dealing with a feeling of being hurt, my mind pops up images of grateful moments, bringing me back to joy and blessings. For example, when I think about what my dad said hurts me, I pause and think of happy moments with him that I have had. For that, I can forgive my dad and soften my negative emotions. For someone I don’t know and don’t have grateful memories with, I just simply think, “well, I might find joy in another people later on.” ☺
It’s a good way to forgive others. This feels similar to how I’ve talked about giving others the benefit of the doubt with the only difference being mine having a more logical and theoretical wing.
Yes. Since I’ve talked about the game changing advice from Paw Mu of not going alone, I feel like a part of something bigger. This reduces many burdens. I don’t have to figure out everything on my own. Opening up has continued to help me view people in a more positive light.
There is definitely a place! It’s that “not being good enough” that I mentioned yesterday, which stems far outside of my YTT. It goes way back to my childhood. Being abandoned by my birth father, not loving myself thru my younger years, marrying an abusive narcissist and allowing myself to suffer that relationship for about 18 years, being mad at myself for wasting 18 years of my life… I did so much work when I left that relationship, knowing that it wasn’t just him but my beliefs about what I deserved or rather what I didn’t think I deserved. My life got better, but I still battle with the same issue, just in a different form. I am grateful my birth father left us. I truly am! And I did write him recently, so we’ll see if he writes back. And I am grateful for what I learned about myself when I was married to my ex and the strength I found when I needed it the most. I know that I was not created to suffer or be unhappy. But for some reason, there’s still a part of me that is having a hard time accepting that I am enough. That I’m worthy of doing what I want to do. And that it’s not too late. I also kick myself for not taking my college education further (I have a BS in Psychology), but I can use that knowledge with my current studies – something others have told me before. Grateful for all of the realizations thru life and this site and the thought-provoking questions each day. Answering the questions and reading all of your responses most definitely contributes to healing!
It seems to take a lifetime to work through wounds from childhood.
For me it feels like the hardest part is to stop feeling bad about myself for having these struggles.
I get that. When I think of all the work I’ve done to heal, it’s hard to look in the mirror and accept that the trauma is still there. That’s when I really have to work to shift my thoughts and find some gratitude for how far I *have* come. Some days are easier than others.
Michele, I know that song and dance all too well. The pain can last for years. Since I’ve talked about the big island woman before who also went to the Minnesota State Academy for the Blind School with me, the 1 leftover trigger for a long time was being ignored.
Paw Mu is the friend from Burma I met at the same place I met the big island woman. The former was like a big sister who’s a couple years older than me with shorter hair and a stronger voice. The big island 1 has a natural sweet voice and long hair. Paw Mu is known to be a strong caring Traditional Asian woman who tells it like it is on the spot.
By taking Paw Mu’s game changing advice of not going alone, I become closer to my: family, elders, and culture. Expanding upon my Vietnamese and interacting with others frequently reduces overthinking, improves my sleep quality, and whoops those triggers in the ass.
There is a relationship that has been rocky and actually helped me find this site. There have been many bad moments filled with tension and words that I don’t know how to let go. Being grateful for the good moments, lessons I have learned about myself and the spark of hope I have seen recently allows me to be embrace life and learn from it.
Deann, speaking of lessons, expanding upon my comment to Michele, 1 Paw Mu taught me is to look beyond the surface. Another game changing advice she frequently drilled into me is “We never know inside of people’s hearts.” Enhanced intuition can help us see through people, but even that has its limits too. Reducing gullability is the best it can do which is as good as it gets.
I have been in a process of discovery and healing for a while now. An essay on gratitude in late March of 2022, then an eight-week course on Mindful Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) from Palouse Mindfulness led me to this site. Introduced to Brother David, Tara Brach, Eckhart Toole, Gabor Mate, Daniel G. Amen, MD, and a willingness to change my addiction to alcohol, a willingness to examine myself. a willingness to heal, a willingness to love freely and express that love through clear eyes not watery and bloodshot from booze. I have discovered much, healed a bunch physically, and a bit mentally. For this I am grateful. I am grateful for all who reflect here, those who keep the pages open, without judgement, with compassion, caring, love and kindness. Thank you all for this refuge. Namaste.
A side note. We received a fresh coating of snow Monday night. The tilting of the earth and the fresh snow gave the range of mountains, known as the Sangre de Cristos, a show of color yesterday as the sun was setting. Glowing and changing colors as the sun set, observing in the cold of early evening, I imagined the Spanish migrants shivering in the cold San Luis Valley and naming that magnificent range after their Catholic faith. Sangre de Cristo, Blood of Christ.
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I believe many people that cause pain (trespass against me) are mainly striking out because of their own internal pain. Love they neighbor isn’t always easy and when do you get to the point of fighting back and try to stop their behavior? In my life many times Karma will be the end result. I guess at those times then I feel grateful that the nonsense has stopped!
Robin Ann– I like to think of the image of the two hands of nonviolence described by Barbara Deming. One hand is in a firm STOP position— saying STOP what you are doing: it is harming me and if you are harming me you are also harming yourself. The other hand is palms up, saying “I am still open to you as a human being”. And yes, I think what you said is wise — they often are mainly striking out because of their own internal pain.
I like that- thanks
I think of a relationship but i find myself being reluctant to express gratefulness. I want to heal, but I feel as though this person isn’t deserving? Although I know everyone does deserving healing, I feel as though this person hasn’t shown me “enough” for me to express these feelings of gratitude and joy. Then I’m asking myself what is enough? Will it ever be enough? Hmm. Much to think on.
Could you feel grateful for things you learned through knowing this person? You don’t have to be grateful for them, or forgive.
The healing is for you Jenifer,
not for someone who has hurt you.
Sending love. ♥️
It’s my thought that gratefulness can contribute to healing in all situations. There is a big difference between a cure and a healing. One can be healed even if they are not cured.
Amen, Carol.
One can be healed even if they are not cured. 🙏🏽 Thank you for sharing that Carol.
Gratefulness will contribute to healing my insecurities and sadness over aging.
I have lived in a world where people have always thought I am younger than I am.
I have always loved that, especially as the years go by.
My husband says we are old, and I tell him to speak for himself.
I want to be young. I like the energy of young people.
But I also love older people, especially those who value kindness, inclusivity, creativity and possibility.
And those who have learned from their life experiences, and become wise.
It’s time for me to own my age.
Much of what I love about Brother David is what feels to me like youthfulness.
But it is not about his age.
I love his enthusiasm, his openness, his warmth.
He is not judgmental. He is kind and hopeful.
Thinking about growing old (I’d like to just discard the word old, but that’s me. )
Thinking about my life as years go by, I can use Brother David’s teachings on gratefulness to heal.
His way of viewing life through gratefulness and possibility shows me how age with joy.
My ego is bruised by the outward effects of aging.
I want to hold onto smooth youthful skin
and a limber body.
I feel insecure without these, but nature persists in taking these from me.
So inside me there is a battle going on between my insistence on keeping that which I am losing,
and letting go into the unknown, opening myself to possibility and opportunity.
My ego insists on holding onto smooth skin.
Gratefulness shows me the way to open up into abundance.
May all have grateful day. ☀️
A wise elder said to me :
Live a long life but don’t get old.”
I think it is possible.
Yes, that’s what I’m thinking too!!!
Thanks Yram
So beautifully expressed, Mary, thank you.
Thanks Mary.♥️
Our grandson, Emerick. recently asked me why I have crinkly skin and crooked fingers. I told him that was the results of a life lived out of doors. It has been a long time since smooth skin I suppose.
I think you can get an idea as to the kind of work someone has done by looking at their hands.
But hey, I’ve got some fingers starting to get crooked and I was an art teacher.
Not fair! 😆
When I think of the hurts that I have endured or the pain the has been inflicted on me in my lifetime, gratefulness is the balm the might lead to healing.
To think about these episodes through the lens of gratefulness is not an easy task. In many ways I am grateful for all that I have experienced, but when I think of individual hurts, it’s a bit harder to stay in gratefulness.
I think this will be a fantastic practice to start.
Hi Charlie. I’m not grateful for pain that was inflicted on me by others.
I am grateful for some of the outcomes of injuries, but not for the injuries themselves.
For me letting go of hurt and anger are challenging enough.
Wishing grateful healing for us all.
♥️
For many years I’ve struggled with negative thought patterns. Lately I’ve really been trying to work on this, as it’s to the point where it’s negativity impacting more than one area of my life.
The wisdom gained from this site has really helped me – in particular Carol’s recent post about putting these thoughts away in a “box” in my mind, and Joseph’s comment about how his addiction has a separate room in his mind.
Gratefulness also plays its own part in helping to counteract these thoughts and disengage the all too familiar thought patterns by bringing me back to the now, by challenging negativity, and by reminding me of all the good I do have in my life.
Lauryn, My mentor many years ago helped me with my negative thoughts. He labeled them “the Bully.” He told me that there was and is a part of me that has never been afraid. He encouraged me to call that part forth to tell the Bully to sit down and shut up.He gave me the image of that unafraid part of me picking up that little girl in me that is so frightened and telling her that together we can make it. All is well and will be well. That imagery helped me a lot because I chose to believe that there is a part of me that has never been afraid. Today, I realize the truth in his statement. There truly is a part of each and everyone of us that has never been afraid. It just gets covered up by childhood happenings but it is there. May you call it forth.
Carol, thank you for this. It’s very helpful to me 🙏💜
I am not sure how to answer this. I am grateful for all your postings.
Lately, I feel more comfortable in my own skin. I feel grateful for my life and all the events that made this life. I am sure that the practice of being grateful, has a lot to contribute to this feeling.
My relationships to money and status. The hedonic treadmill feels real, it certainly has momentum (especially in the US). I’m taking a spell to deliberately step off it to re-evaluate. Am finding a surprising amount of baggage there. Gratefulness, again and again, will help heal that part of my life.
This is not an easy question for me to answer. I presently have no idea and will think about this throughout the day. Hopefully; I will figure it out and return with a cohesive reply later today. Wishing you all a safe and good day.
I am in this place also with this question, Nanette. Other’s responses today are helpful and provacative.
My mind is a place where gratefulness contributes to healing. When I’m dealing with a feeling of being hurt, my mind pops up images of grateful moments, bringing me back to joy and blessings. For example, when I think about what my dad said hurts me, I pause and think of happy moments with him that I have had. For that, I can forgive my dad and soften my negative emotions. For someone I don’t know and don’t have grateful memories with, I just simply think, “well, I might find joy in another people later on.” ☺
Thank you for this reminder. This is such a good positive healthy perspective to have.
It’s a good way to forgive others. This feels similar to how I’ve talked about giving others the benefit of the doubt with the only difference being mine having a more logical and theoretical wing.
My Ngoc, “I might find joy in another person later on.”
Yes. Since I’ve talked about the game changing advice from Paw Mu of not going alone, I feel like a part of something bigger. This reduces many burdens. I don’t have to figure out everything on my own. Opening up has continued to help me view people in a more positive light.
There is definitely a place! It’s that “not being good enough” that I mentioned yesterday, which stems far outside of my YTT. It goes way back to my childhood. Being abandoned by my birth father, not loving myself thru my younger years, marrying an abusive narcissist and allowing myself to suffer that relationship for about 18 years, being mad at myself for wasting 18 years of my life… I did so much work when I left that relationship, knowing that it wasn’t just him but my beliefs about what I deserved or rather what I didn’t think I deserved. My life got better, but I still battle with the same issue, just in a different form. I am grateful my birth father left us. I truly am! And I did write him recently, so we’ll see if he writes back. And I am grateful for what I learned about myself when I was married to my ex and the strength I found when I needed it the most. I know that I was not created to suffer or be unhappy. But for some reason, there’s still a part of me that is having a hard time accepting that I am enough. That I’m worthy of doing what I want to do. And that it’s not too late. I also kick myself for not taking my college education further (I have a BS in Psychology), but I can use that knowledge with my current studies – something others have told me before. Grateful for all of the realizations thru life and this site and the thought-provoking questions each day. Answering the questions and reading all of your responses most definitely contributes to healing!
It seems to take a lifetime to work through wounds from childhood.
For me it feels like the hardest part is to stop feeling bad about myself for having these struggles.
I get that. When I think of all the work I’ve done to heal, it’s hard to look in the mirror and accept that the trauma is still there. That’s when I really have to work to shift my thoughts and find some gratitude for how far I *have* come. Some days are easier than others.
🥰
My past relationships – in addition to things I am grateful for, there are also things I am NOT grateful for too.
Michele, I know that song and dance all too well. The pain can last for years. Since I’ve talked about the big island woman before who also went to the Minnesota State Academy for the Blind School with me, the 1 leftover trigger for a long time was being ignored.
Paw Mu is the friend from Burma I met at the same place I met the big island woman. The former was like a big sister who’s a couple years older than me with shorter hair and a stronger voice. The big island 1 has a natural sweet voice and long hair. Paw Mu is known to be a strong caring Traditional Asian woman who tells it like it is on the spot.
By taking Paw Mu’s game changing advice of not going alone, I become closer to my: family, elders, and culture. Expanding upon my Vietnamese and interacting with others frequently reduces overthinking, improves my sleep quality, and whoops those triggers in the ass.
There is a relationship that has been rocky and actually helped me find this site. There have been many bad moments filled with tension and words that I don’t know how to let go. Being grateful for the good moments, lessons I have learned about myself and the spark of hope I have seen recently allows me to be embrace life and learn from it.
Deann, speaking of lessons, expanding upon my comment to Michele, 1 Paw Mu taught me is to look beyond the surface. Another game changing advice she frequently drilled into me is “We never know inside of people’s hearts.” Enhanced intuition can help us see through people, but even that has its limits too. Reducing gullability is the best it can do which is as good as it gets.
I have been in a process of discovery and healing for a while now. An essay on gratitude in late March of 2022, then an eight-week course on Mindful Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) from Palouse Mindfulness led me to this site. Introduced to Brother David, Tara Brach, Eckhart Toole, Gabor Mate, Daniel G. Amen, MD, and a willingness to change my addiction to alcohol, a willingness to examine myself. a willingness to heal, a willingness to love freely and express that love through clear eyes not watery and bloodshot from booze. I have discovered much, healed a bunch physically, and a bit mentally. For this I am grateful. I am grateful for all who reflect here, those who keep the pages open, without judgement, with compassion, caring, love and kindness. Thank you all for this refuge. Namaste.
A side note. We received a fresh coating of snow Monday night. The tilting of the earth and the fresh snow gave the range of mountains, known as the Sangre de Cristos, a show of color yesterday as the sun was setting. Glowing and changing colors as the sun set, observing in the cold of early evening, I imagined the Spanish migrants shivering in the cold San Luis Valley and naming that magnificent range after their Catholic faith. Sangre de Cristo, Blood of Christ.
My parents,
dear Joseph,
lived with a view of the Sangre de Cristos
out of their window . . .
a beautiful and sacred place
where you live. ♥
Did your parents live on the east or west side of the Sangre’s dear Sparrow?
…the east side…
Santa Fe, New Mexico…
What a beautiful part of the state you live in! Those mountains truly are special. Have a wonderful day.