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I can be more generous with the knowledge that I have (power of our emotions/thoughts/behaviors) by practicing patience with myself and my family. There is a lot of trauma within our family and I have noticed it has developed a way of being/living “I have to do more, its not enough, I HAVE TO GIVE”. The way of being is impacting our relationships and I have. been a bit pushy with. my attempts to introduce relaxation and calmness to our ways being. Patience is something we have not practiced, I at time have hard times being patience w/ myself and lately I have been therefore I am practicing it with my loved ones. [practicing my peaceful warrior].
I am comfortable with the level of giving that my wife and I are able to do that benefits other people and organizations that we support. Today’s question, in my view, also contains a hidden “should,” which I find off-putting for several reasons, chief among them being that the question assumes that the reader is not being generous enough. I think that people who frequent this site regularly have demonstrated repeatedly, through actions, deeds, and expressions of kindness, how generous they are with all that they have.
I think I need to be more generous with my love. I don’t say that in a cocky way, or in a way that puts me on a pedestal saying that everyone needs to get my love, but I say that phrase from a place of fear and anxiety. I feel like I’m a very loving person that will go the extra mile, even for a stranger, or someone I just met. When that love isn’t reciprocated, even if it’s not necessarily on the same level as the love given, it hurts me, which is why I tend to give the same amount of love that others give to me, to protect me from getting hurt or disappointed that it isn’t reciprocated back. Today’s question made me ponder on how love is a gift that people need in their everyday lives. Because my heart “overflows” with it on most days, haha, I think it’s better to love freely and abundantly, and to not be scared when others don’t give that same love back, because maybe, they need some extra love first before they can pour it back into another’s cup.
Interesting question. I listened to an audio book about a young lady who was from a war torn country and although in her early years life was a happy one for her one day that changed. Her tribe had been targeted for the slaughter. She eventually found refuge at a priests home sent by her father to stay there and she did for around 3 months during that time she prayed and she began to visualise what she wanted and where she wanted to be all while she was locked away in a small bathroom with 6 other women, and whilst their people were being slaughtered and they were being hunted down. when I read that passage it made me think realise that I should be even more grateful for my life and the life that I have right here and now that I could have been delt the card this lady had been given what she had endured and seen was nothing compared to what I was not being grateful for this story allowed me to be thankful everyday for where I live and what I have. Although I am still working on all of this.
Self reflection, and reflecting back on my progress over the whole year. I admit that this is a really hard question for me to answer.
Savouring each thing that I have.
Will call generosity a work in progress. And, I can set an intention to practice generosity each day, and see where that goes. Will write and sent a card now …
In the Book of Joy, the Dalai Lama says “we have to take care of ourselves without selfishly taking care of ourselves. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we cannot survive. We need to do that. We should have wise selfishness rather than foolish selfishness. Foolish selfishness means you just think only of yourself, don’t care about others, bully others, exploit others. In fact, taking care of others, helping others, ultimately is the way to discover your own joy and to have a happy life. … it is what I call wise selfishness’.
In response, Archbishop Desmond Tutu offered ‘You are wise… I wouldn’t just say wise selfish. You are wise’.
I think people are as generous as they can be, a lot of times it’s easy to generous if you have a glut haha. I don’t know … maybe I need to be more understanding of other’s perspectives and what it’s like to be in their circumstances day in and out, what their background might be, and how all that forms the person I deal with in that moment. The difficult person being rude in front of me, didn’t form overnight, there’s a long chain of circumstance, genetics, experience that are forming that person and I need to be OK with who I deal with in that moment.
I don´t know, but I would for example happily and gratefully offer my bit of know how to a friend for may be joint ventures or which form whatsoever might be convenient, if he would think it could be of support to him related to helping people who might be interested in opening up to life more deeply to gaining substantial awareness. Since many years, I accompanied kindred people in various ways. May be, this could be an exciting experience shared with several people interested.
I need to be less generous in what I agree to do, in at least one instance. I need to check out the person for whom I agreed to write a visa letter – and the category of visa they were applying for. How was I to know that ‘E’ in the visa meant exceptional? Hopefully I’m wiser now. I’ve been old for a long time now.
I work as an immigration paralegal …I know these letters well….extraordinary ability….there’s a high standard for approval anyways, so I wouldn’t worry about it too much
He’s going to seek ‘other experts’ now! I didn’t want to sign my name to the crazy long letter he drafted, and I didn’t want to edit it to suit me. I’d edited my qualifications – not ‘professor’ but ’emeritus research professor’, etc. I know a wonderful woman from the same country who’s so much more talented than he, and she’s back in the country. I was supportive of his getting some sort of visa to stay in the US – but not Exceptional! Thanks, Lauryn, for your reply 🤗🙃
Elaine, I so agree with this! I think we need to acknowledge our public officials for their hard work on our behalf, and of course the people that add so much to our lives. 🙂
There are so many ways to be generous with my resources – time, energy, money, talents, hospitality…COVID has interrupted and challenged the ways I have lived generously in the past. I have learned that gift-giving is not what most of my family appreciates. I have noticed that in the absence of them being able to come to our house and experience our hospitality, I rarely hear from any of them – that I was the initiator of our connectedness. I have noticed that I can be more generous through organizations that are opening up their services like Habitat for Humanity or Meals on Wheels, through which I can share my time. I have noticed that I can be generous with comments, compliments, and listening to those on social media who are hurting, suffering, frustrated – I can call and send cards, when before COVID that was something I rarely did. And I”m finding out it is something people really appreciate. But I’m also noticing that I must be careful about feeling obligated to give, as opposed to feeling led to give through my heart (or the Spirit).
First I had no clue of how to be more generous, I was starting from the perception that I really feel I am eating more than needed, even more than enough as i just love food, but may be it is a kind of greed to keep an eye on and to start reducing intake a lot. So a possible way to be more of support for others is to eat less , no second go when it is so delicious, and instead give the money saved to the town´s place where they feed the homeless. Although I would not name it more generous, as I get something out of it, too, so a win – win situation for all concerned, it will be a freely given support for kindred people in need. This will be of some help for others within the same theme, while my body might feel a bit lighter as time goes by, and it may transform something, not only in me, may be. Starting today. But generosity is something else completely. Please allow me to ponder more about this question.
Dear Ose, generosity is a win-win situation. A guru once said, ‘the most selfless person is the most selfish person’ – [or maybe the reverse]. It feels good to do good 😊🙃
I can keep opening my heart and sharing who I am – including my imperfections – with those around me. The gift of being imperfect is truly a gift. It is scary and takes courage – but others will benefit from seeing my struggle.
What I would like to do is be more generous with all the spare time I have being retired. I used to volunteer, but covid put a damper on that, I am praying that the world will go back to normalcy so I can carry on.
I find organizations to support financially, like our local food bank. And there is an organization in town that helps immigrants with daily needs who are homeless right now. There is a group of people who have joined together to give young people of color a place to go after school. After a snack, they can get help with homework, or just hang out together.
I agree about giving the homeless something when I see them at street corners, although lately it has been a bit hard logistically.
We also have an organization that sets up a time to give coats, gloves and winter clothing to people. They ask for good, used, clean items, but I usually give a new coat and winter things in children sizes. One year I gave a man’s coat. This will happen next month. I think it is our responsibility to help feed and clothe those who cannot help themselves right now. And to do it as generously as you can, with money, or talent by volunteering. There have been years when i could not afford to give, so I volunteered instead. One year I helped to sort the clothing that came in for the homeless and was appalled at what was given. That is when I decided to give new garments, or like-new things. So now I set a little money aside every month for this time of year. Our local dry cleaners help by cleaning everything.
And I try my best to be generous with some neighbors who are less than kind to some of us.
I will continue to be generous in giving love, light, kindness, compassion and forgiveness as I go thru each day. Remembering to be generous to myself as well, particularly with compassion as I’ve been a little judgy with me lately.
I, like Kevin keep a stash in my car for the homeless but I give them protein bars instead of money. As someone once said to me, when you get your money at work they don’t ask you what you’re going to do with it before they give it to you do they? If someone is in need our response is generosity and charity. We will be judged on our response. I give them protein bars because I know it’s at least half a meal. I can’t carry fresh vegetables and fruit.
For several years I have kept a little stack of $1 bills at the ready in my car. I know that the issues of homelessness and food insecurity is rampant almost everywhere these days, so whenever I am asked by a panhandler for spare change or a buck, I give one or two dollars at red lights while driving around. Some public agencies and experts on the topic are critical of the general public doing things like this and are quick to point out that this practice isn’t very helpful. But I say, have you asked the person in need? Besides, I don’t see any of these well intentioned agencies solving the problem of homelessness and food insecurity any time soon.
Last week, my wife and I were at a busy intersection waiting at the light. I handed two dollars to a gentleman who looked in rough shape. As we drove off my wife asked how much I had given the man. I said, “Two bucks.” She replied, “You need to up your game and start giving some of these people who really look like they need some help, $5.” I have since turned my little pile of dollar bills to fives.
I am bringing in banana bread I made to share with co workers today:)
Btw, generous is generous. One does not need to be ‘more’ generous. Why put that on someone and make them feel that they are not doing enough. Annoying.
Before I answer this. I wanted to thank everyone who prayed for me, sent well wishes, kind messages, as I planned to move out of a less than ideal situation. I got out safely, undetected. Then sent a respectful, balanced with my truth message to the landlord and drew a line over this experience. I thank you all for being there for me. Very kind, very generous, and I know incredibly genuine care and concern.
So, to the question at hand. I think it is natural to want to save yourself…and because I know this I have often gone to the opposite extreme and given perhaps more than I should, and yet still felt selfish. I am learning how to give, when to give, and who to give to. I’d ideally rather err on the generous side, yet remove the feeling of not having given enough. How do you ever know really when it’s enough? But yes, it’s good to challenge ourselves to be, do, give more, and to include yourself in this mixture too.
Such good news that you got ‘safely, undetected…’ and that you sent a ‘respectful, balanced with truth message’ to the landlord. I love that you ‘drew a line over (the) experience’. I must learn from your deep rooted practice. Yeh for new beginnings!
Saving yourself vs. doing things for others. Again, I honour your wisdom in finding, living and aspiring to a healthy balance between the two.
Thank you KC. I appreciate your kind words, thoughts, and validation.
Something that helps me when the “memories” of what has transpired surface, and they will, I chose to look at them in the following manner. 1. What am I feeling? Feeling with full acknowledgement. 2. What does that look like to others who care for me? A loving step back. 3. What does that look like in the big picture, say, a year from now?
SO, not denying the realities, but bringing them down to size objectively. Eventually, after enough of that work, and I say, “Nah, I have worked you, there’s a line over you. So, get behind me…you are the past! I have given you enough energy…”
For all our getting, get wisdom, as the saying goes. I have accrued a lot of good practices over my lifetime, but actually living them, as in remembering to do them, is the wisdom I seek. The misery that comes from not doing them, ha, ha, so real. That’s why groups like this help me remember and make me more honest with myself. Grateful.
Dusty Su, I so hear you, and agree wholeheartedly. It seems we are forever learning, re-learning, remembering, adjusting our practices. And yes – this group, other groups and trusted friends really are essential. Same. Grateful! 🙂
Thank you for the wonderful news, Dusty Su! That is a relief, in a tiny way, even to me. Warm wishes to you in your concerns about generosity and selfishness! We do need to be generous to ourselves, if we are to have the ‘wherewithall’ to be generous to others.
My rowing club being a small volunteer organization is in the throws of one of those unfortunate periods not uncommon to such in that it is experiencing a power struggle amongst Board members. It is a situation that to date I have found utterly repellent and determined to stay out of. Keeping my head down and minding my own to the point of avoiding times when the boathouse is busy. Perhaps it is time for me to wade in and participate more. There is a fine line for me and I recognize the pitfalls that could come by interfering. I will meditate on this.
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HOW MIGHT I BE MORE GENEROUS WITH WHAT I HAVE?
I can be more generous with the knowledge that I have (power of our emotions/thoughts/behaviors) by practicing patience with myself and my family. There is a lot of trauma within our family and I have noticed it has developed a way of being/living “I have to do more, its not enough, I HAVE TO GIVE”. The way of being is impacting our relationships and I have. been a bit pushy with. my attempts to introduce relaxation and calmness to our ways being. Patience is something we have not practiced, I at time have hard times being patience w/ myself and lately I have been therefore I am practicing it with my loved ones. [practicing my peaceful warrior].
I am comfortable with the level of giving that my wife and I are able to do that benefits other people and organizations that we support. Today’s question, in my view, also contains a hidden “should,” which I find off-putting for several reasons, chief among them being that the question assumes that the reader is not being generous enough. I think that people who frequent this site regularly have demonstrated repeatedly, through actions, deeds, and expressions of kindness, how generous they are with all that they have.
There’s always more I could do on all fronts with generosity of time, spirit and material things. I could seek inspiration on the how.
I think I need to be more generous with my love. I don’t say that in a cocky way, or in a way that puts me on a pedestal saying that everyone needs to get my love, but I say that phrase from a place of fear and anxiety. I feel like I’m a very loving person that will go the extra mile, even for a stranger, or someone I just met. When that love isn’t reciprocated, even if it’s not necessarily on the same level as the love given, it hurts me, which is why I tend to give the same amount of love that others give to me, to protect me from getting hurt or disappointed that it isn’t reciprocated back. Today’s question made me ponder on how love is a gift that people need in their everyday lives. Because my heart “overflows” with it on most days, haha, I think it’s better to love freely and abundantly, and to not be scared when others don’t give that same love back, because maybe, they need some extra love first before they can pour it back into another’s cup.
Interesting question. I listened to an audio book about a young lady who was from a war torn country and although in her early years life was a happy one for her one day that changed. Her tribe had been targeted for the slaughter. She eventually found refuge at a priests home sent by her father to stay there and she did for around 3 months during that time she prayed and she began to visualise what she wanted and where she wanted to be all while she was locked away in a small bathroom with 6 other women, and whilst their people were being slaughtered and they were being hunted down. when I read that passage it made me think realise that I should be even more grateful for my life and the life that I have right here and now that I could have been delt the card this lady had been given what she had endured and seen was nothing compared to what I was not being grateful for this story allowed me to be thankful everyday for where I live and what I have. Although I am still working on all of this.
Self reflection, and reflecting back on my progress over the whole year. I admit that this is a really hard question for me to answer.
Savouring each thing that I have.
Will call generosity a work in progress. And, I can set an intention to practice generosity each day, and see where that goes. Will write and sent a card now …
In the Book of Joy, the Dalai Lama says “we have to take care of ourselves without selfishly taking care of ourselves. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we cannot survive. We need to do that. We should have wise selfishness rather than foolish selfishness. Foolish selfishness means you just think only of yourself, don’t care about others, bully others, exploit others. In fact, taking care of others, helping others, ultimately is the way to discover your own joy and to have a happy life. … it is what I call wise selfishness’.
In response, Archbishop Desmond Tutu offered ‘You are wise… I wouldn’t just say wise selfish. You are wise’.
I think i could auto tithe.
I think people are as generous as they can be, a lot of times it’s easy to generous if you have a glut haha. I don’t know … maybe I need to be more understanding of other’s perspectives and what it’s like to be in their circumstances day in and out, what their background might be, and how all that forms the person I deal with in that moment. The difficult person being rude in front of me, didn’t form overnight, there’s a long chain of circumstance, genetics, experience that are forming that person and I need to be OK with who I deal with in that moment.
To be 100% clear what the most important thing is in my life. Not my top 10 or top 3… my number 1. And make sure I keep doing that, no matter what.
I don´t know, but I would for example happily and gratefully offer my bit of know how to a friend for may be joint ventures or which form whatsoever might be convenient, if he would think it could be of support to him related to helping people who might be interested in opening up to life more deeply to gaining substantial awareness. Since many years, I accompanied kindred people in various ways. May be, this could be an exciting experience shared with several people interested.
I need to be less generous in what I agree to do, in at least one instance. I need to check out the person for whom I agreed to write a visa letter – and the category of visa they were applying for. How was I to know that ‘E’ in the visa meant exceptional? Hopefully I’m wiser now. I’ve been old for a long time now.
I work as an immigration paralegal …I know these letters well….extraordinary ability….there’s a high standard for approval anyways, so I wouldn’t worry about it too much
He’s going to seek ‘other experts’ now! I didn’t want to sign my name to the crazy long letter he drafted, and I didn’t want to edit it to suit me. I’d edited my qualifications – not ‘professor’ but ’emeritus research professor’, etc. I know a wonderful woman from the same country who’s so much more talented than he, and she’s back in the country. I was supportive of his getting some sort of visa to stay in the US – but not Exceptional! Thanks, Lauryn, for your reply 🤗🙃
Be openly affirming of close ones, acquaintances, public officials at every opportunity! Make the good vibes the most audible and visible.
Elaine, I so agree with this! I think we need to acknowledge our public officials for their hard work on our behalf, and of course the people that add so much to our lives. 🙂
Right on Linda!
There are so many ways to be generous with my resources – time, energy, money, talents, hospitality…COVID has interrupted and challenged the ways I have lived generously in the past. I have learned that gift-giving is not what most of my family appreciates. I have noticed that in the absence of them being able to come to our house and experience our hospitality, I rarely hear from any of them – that I was the initiator of our connectedness. I have noticed that I can be more generous through organizations that are opening up their services like Habitat for Humanity or Meals on Wheels, through which I can share my time. I have noticed that I can be generous with comments, compliments, and listening to those on social media who are hurting, suffering, frustrated – I can call and send cards, when before COVID that was something I rarely did. And I”m finding out it is something people really appreciate. But I’m also noticing that I must be careful about feeling obligated to give, as opposed to feeling led to give through my heart (or the Spirit).
Live in amity. 🧚♀️
First I had no clue of how to be more generous, I was starting from the perception that I really feel I am eating more than needed, even more than enough as i just love food, but may be it is a kind of greed to keep an eye on and to start reducing intake a lot. So a possible way to be more of support for others is to eat less , no second go when it is so delicious, and instead give the money saved to the town´s place where they feed the homeless. Although I would not name it more generous, as I get something out of it, too, so a win – win situation for all concerned, it will be a freely given support for kindred people in need. This will be of some help for others within the same theme, while my body might feel a bit lighter as time goes by, and it may transform something, not only in me, may be. Starting today. But generosity is something else completely. Please allow me to ponder more about this question.
Dear Ose, generosity is a win-win situation. A guru once said, ‘the most selfless person is the most selfish person’ – [or maybe the reverse]. It feels good to do good 😊🙃
I can keep opening my heart and sharing who I am – including my imperfections – with those around me. The gift of being imperfect is truly a gift. It is scary and takes courage – but others will benefit from seeing my struggle.
What I would like to do is be more generous with all the spare time I have being retired. I used to volunteer, but covid put a damper on that, I am praying that the world will go back to normalcy so I can carry on.
I find organizations to support financially, like our local food bank. And there is an organization in town that helps immigrants with daily needs who are homeless right now. There is a group of people who have joined together to give young people of color a place to go after school. After a snack, they can get help with homework, or just hang out together.
I agree about giving the homeless something when I see them at street corners, although lately it has been a bit hard logistically.
We also have an organization that sets up a time to give coats, gloves and winter clothing to people. They ask for good, used, clean items, but I usually give a new coat and winter things in children sizes. One year I gave a man’s coat. This will happen next month. I think it is our responsibility to help feed and clothe those who cannot help themselves right now. And to do it as generously as you can, with money, or talent by volunteering. There have been years when i could not afford to give, so I volunteered instead. One year I helped to sort the clothing that came in for the homeless and was appalled at what was given. That is when I decided to give new garments, or like-new things. So now I set a little money aside every month for this time of year. Our local dry cleaners help by cleaning everything.
And I try my best to be generous with some neighbors who are less than kind to some of us.
I will continue to be generous in giving love, light, kindness, compassion and forgiveness as I go thru each day. Remembering to be generous to myself as well, particularly with compassion as I’ve been a little judgy with me lately.
I, like Kevin keep a stash in my car for the homeless but I give them protein bars instead of money. As someone once said to me, when you get your money at work they don’t ask you what you’re going to do with it before they give it to you do they? If someone is in need our response is generosity and charity. We will be judged on our response. I give them protein bars because I know it’s at least half a meal. I can’t carry fresh vegetables and fruit.
For several years I have kept a little stack of $1 bills at the ready in my car. I know that the issues of homelessness and food insecurity is rampant almost everywhere these days, so whenever I am asked by a panhandler for spare change or a buck, I give one or two dollars at red lights while driving around. Some public agencies and experts on the topic are critical of the general public doing things like this and are quick to point out that this practice isn’t very helpful. But I say, have you asked the person in need? Besides, I don’t see any of these well intentioned agencies solving the problem of homelessness and food insecurity any time soon.
Last week, my wife and I were at a busy intersection waiting at the light. I handed two dollars to a gentleman who looked in rough shape. As we drove off my wife asked how much I had given the man. I said, “Two bucks.” She replied, “You need to up your game and start giving some of these people who really look like they need some help, $5.” I have since turned my little pile of dollar bills to fives.
Wow –
I will be generous by sharing my knowledge and wisdom, my kindness and compassion always.
I am bringing in banana bread I made to share with co workers today:)
Btw, generous is generous. One does not need to be ‘more’ generous. Why put that on someone and make them feel that they are not doing enough. Annoying.
You speak my mind here, Michele!
Before I answer this. I wanted to thank everyone who prayed for me, sent well wishes, kind messages, as I planned to move out of a less than ideal situation. I got out safely, undetected. Then sent a respectful, balanced with my truth message to the landlord and drew a line over this experience. I thank you all for being there for me. Very kind, very generous, and I know incredibly genuine care and concern.
So, to the question at hand. I think it is natural to want to save yourself…and because I know this I have often gone to the opposite extreme and given perhaps more than I should, and yet still felt selfish. I am learning how to give, when to give, and who to give to. I’d ideally rather err on the generous side, yet remove the feeling of not having given enough. How do you ever know really when it’s enough? But yes, it’s good to challenge ourselves to be, do, give more, and to include yourself in this mixture too.
Dusty Su,
Such good news that you got ‘safely, undetected…’ and that you sent a ‘respectful, balanced with truth message’ to the landlord. I love that you ‘drew a line over (the) experience’. I must learn from your deep rooted practice. Yeh for new beginnings!
Saving yourself vs. doing things for others. Again, I honour your wisdom in finding, living and aspiring to a healthy balance between the two.
Warmly,
KC
Thank you KC. I appreciate your kind words, thoughts, and validation.
Something that helps me when the “memories” of what has transpired surface, and they will, I chose to look at them in the following manner. 1. What am I feeling? Feeling with full acknowledgement. 2. What does that look like to others who care for me? A loving step back. 3. What does that look like in the big picture, say, a year from now?
SO, not denying the realities, but bringing them down to size objectively. Eventually, after enough of that work, and I say, “Nah, I have worked you, there’s a line over you. So, get behind me…you are the past! I have given you enough energy…”
For all our getting, get wisdom, as the saying goes. I have accrued a lot of good practices over my lifetime, but actually living them, as in remembering to do them, is the wisdom I seek. The misery that comes from not doing them, ha, ha, so real. That’s why groups like this help me remember and make me more honest with myself. Grateful.
Dusty Su, I so hear you, and agree wholeheartedly. It seems we are forever learning, re-learning, remembering, adjusting our practices. And yes – this group, other groups and trusted friends really are essential. Same. Grateful! 🙂
🥰🤟
Thank you for the wonderful news, Dusty Su! That is a relief, in a tiny way, even to me. Warm wishes to you in your concerns about generosity and selfishness! We do need to be generous to ourselves, if we are to have the ‘wherewithall’ to be generous to others.
Thank you Mica, that is encouraging. Cheers.
I am grateful,
dear Dusty Su,
that you were able to make your final exit
gracefully
and with heart,
moving forward with clear intentions . . .
Thank you Sparrow…I fly free and it is good.
Thank you for this wonderful update Dusty Su:) Very happy to hear you are out of that situation. Many blessings to you in your new home.
My rowing club being a small volunteer organization is in the throws of one of those unfortunate periods not uncommon to such in that it is experiencing a power struggle amongst Board members. It is a situation that to date I have found utterly repellent and determined to stay out of. Keeping my head down and minding my own to the point of avoiding times when the boathouse is busy. Perhaps it is time for me to wade in and participate more. There is a fine line for me and I recognize the pitfalls that could come by interfering. I will meditate on this.
I have a heart, and it beats generous for others to I hope. 💕
Thank you, Christine 💕