Grateful Changemakers: The Forgiveness Project

At the heart of The Forgiveness Project is the understanding that restorative narratives have the power to transform lives. Restorative narratives not only support people to move on from harm or trauma, but also build a climate of resilience, hope, and empathy. 

Here in our feature “Grateful Changemakers,” we celebrate programs and projects that serve as beacons of gratefulness. These efforts elevate the values of grateful living and illuminate their potential to transform both individuals and communities. Join us in appreciating the inspiring and catalyzing contribution these Changemakers offer to shaping a more grateful world.

The Forgiveness Project

The F Word exhibition. © The Forgiveness Project

The Forgiveness Project collects and shares stories from both victims/survivors and perpetrators of crime and conflict who have rebuilt their lives following hurt and trauma. At the heart of The Forgiveness Project is an understanding that restorative narratives have the power to transform lives. This informs the organization’s work across multiple platforms — in publications and educational resources, through the international F Word exhibition, in public conversations, and the award-winning RESTORE prison programme. 

Director Rachel Bird shares more about how the resources and experiences curated and shared by The Forgiveness Project help people explore and overcome their own unresolved grievances.

What sparked the founding/creation of The Forgiveness Project?

In 2003, in response to the invasion of Iraq, journalist Marina Cantacuzino embarked on a personal project collecting stories of people who had lived through trauma and injustice and sought forgiveness rather than revenge. This led to an exhibition of images and personal stories of forgiveness in the place of atrocity called The F Word, which was held at the Oxo Gallery in London and attended by, among others, Archbishop Desmond Tutu and Dame Anita Roddick. As a result of the extraordinary impact of the exhibition, Marina founded The Forgiveness Project . 

How does The Forgiveness Project fill a need for the people it serves?

The testimonies we collect bear witness to the resilience of the human spirit and present alternatives to cycles of conflict, violence, crime, and injustice, acting as a powerful antidote to narratives of hate and dehumanization.

Marian Partington: Photo by Brian Moody. © The Forgiveness Project

We now have over 160 storytellers working with us. All of the stories we collect are restorative narratives — people who have gone through the journey of forgiveness in their own lives. In this way, we feel being part of The Forgiveness Project is very beneficial for a storyteller. Marian Partington says, “My work with The Forgiveness Project as a storyteller and facilitator with RESTORE has been stretching, challenging, and deeply fulfilling. Every time I share something of this ongoing quest towards becoming for-giving, The Forgiveness Project is there as a refuge and a community, which helps to deepen my courage and purpose.”  I think that’s something we hope to be able to give to all of the storytellers we work with.

In the beginning, we reached out to people to collect stories. But people approach us as well now, as we’ve become more well-known and people are beginning to see this is as a space where they fit, a community that they can share in. I think trauma can be a very isolating thing. And there are lots of groups that can support that in terms of survivor groups. But there is something quite unique about The Forgiveness Project in that it’s about making meaning from their experiences, so it’s a supportive community in a different way. It looks to the future. The journey of forgiveness is a daily journey, so we hope that we can continue to support in that.

We explore how forgiveness, compassion, empathy, and understanding can be used to impact positively on people’s lives.

How do you see The Forgiveness Project embodying/being related to grateful living?

In a recent interview with Anderson Cooper, Stephen Colbert talks about his grief for the death of his father and his brothers, and Cooper asks Colbert if he really believes the words he said in a previous interview: “I love the thing that I most wish had not happened…What punishments of God are not gifts.” And this idea that he’s not grateful for what happened, but that he’s grateful it opened up his humanity and allowed him to connect with other’s pain — I think that’s the core perhaps of both forgiveness and gratefulness. 

We talk about our work as providing a space. Forgiveness is a choice, and we provide resources and tools and the space for people to consider and explore.

We explore forgiveness. We explore how forgiveness, compassion, empathy, and understanding can be used to impact positively on people’s lives. There is something, I think, absolutely key about having the space to do that, with no expectations, no perceived outcomes. I think other people’s stories enable you to find a way to your own story when sometimes that is so hard to do because your perspective is so set. The way you’ve seen your situation can be hard-wired into you. 

I think the stories we tell ourselves about who we are are so often diminishing and reductive and small.

How does The Forgiveness Project inspire gratefulness and related values?

At the heart of The Forgiveness Project is the understanding that restorative narratives have the power to transform lives. Restorative narratives not only support people to move on from harm or trauma, but also build a climate of resilience, hope, and empathy. 

Jo Berry and Patrick Magee: Photo by Brian Moody. © The Forgiveness Project

It’s easy to forget that people often don’t actually come across these perspectives in everyday life. That there are choices to be made in how you respond — and not only do you have choices, but these choices are brave and honorable — is a perspective missing hugely from everyday dialogue in the world. 

I think the stories we tell ourselves about who we are are so often diminishing and reductive and small. We can be so much more, but we need to be presenting those perspectives. Kemal Pervanic, one of our storytellers who survived the Omarska concentration camp in Bosnia, talks so beautifully about how it could be you. And he doesn’t mean it could be you as the victim. He means, you could be the perpetrator. Life can be upended, and as Jo Berry, whose father was killed in the IRA bombing of Brighton, says, “Perhaps more than anything I’ve realized that no matter which side of the conflict you’re on, had we all lived each others lives, we could all have done what the other did.” It’s sad, I think, that there aren’t many people showcasing these perspectives and showing the potential of what it means to be human, or what it can mean to be human.

What inspires people to move toward forgiveness?

Lots of reasons propel people. I think often people may feel they have no choice — that something has to give. 

Mary Foley: Photo by Brian Moody. © The Forgiveness Project

Marian Partington’s sister went missing when she was at university and turned up 21 years later. She was a victim of Frederick and Rosemary West, who are serial killers here in the southwest of England. Marian says that her journey of forgiveness started with murderous rage, and she suddenly, in that moment, recognized that there was a connection between her and Rosemary West in experiencing that emotion.

The daughter of storyteller Mary Foley was killed by another young girl. And Mary realized that she was becoming someone that her daughter wouldn’t have liked. 

So there are these moments — whether it’s a moment of clarity or it’s just that there is no other choice or there is nothing else left to do but forgive… giving up all hope of a better or different past, having to cast off into new space.

Our storytellers reveal the journey to be tough but compelling, often painful and costly but also potentially transformative. 

What inspires people to participate in The Forgiveness Project?

We are a secular organization working with people of all faiths and none, in communities, prisons, schools, and with anyone wishing to explore peaceful solutions to conflict and hurt. We aim to open up a debate around forgiveness, calling into question our often fixed beliefs about right and wrong, good and evil, justice and morality. One of the reasons that The Forgiveness Project has such a strong appeal is that we are always clear that forgiveness is a choice. We do not hold forgiveness up as a magic bullet or a panacea for all ills. Our storytellers reveal the journey to be tough but compelling, often painful and costly but also potentially transformative. 

Rather than claim to have the answers, we invite people to consider the stories as a means of examining their own lives, thereby enabling them to arrive at their own answers. I think it’s really important that we’re always learning. We don’t know everything about forgiveness. We’re always being surprised by new perspectives. 

Artwork created by a participant of RESTORE, HMP Eastwood Park. © The Forgiveness Project

People are often very keen to share their stories with us. I think writing or creating your story can in itself be a healing thing, so the relationships we build with the storytellers are so important. Sandra Barefoot, our RESTORE Programme Manager, explores with women in prison how they can safely share their stories — how you create your story and find meaning in your story and share the story that helps and heals you rather than retraumatizes you. That’s really important because these are difficult stories. 

Having your story made public becomes something else: People will ask questions; press will get involved; they will have their own agenda in how they use and shape your story. So it’s really important for us to work with people to ensure that it’s the right thing for them. We might work with somebody on their story and get to a point when they say actually, just to go through the process of writing and shaping the story is enough. The story is theirs. The story is on loan to us in a sense. 

We talk about forgiveness as a process for change. It’s shifting perspective away from hurt to an experience of significance. 

What is the lasting impact of The Forgiveness Project?

Sharing these stories in schools, prisons, and communities around the world, The Forgiveness Project is working to build hope, empathy, and understanding in order to create a less divided society. We talk about forgiveness as a process for change. It’s shifting perspective away from hurt to an experience of significance. 

How do you make meaning? How do you begin to make a life worth living again when so often trauma can just stop you and paralyze you and tie you to pain? How can you begin to shift away from that when it can almost feel like a betrayal to make that shift, particularly if you have lost someone dear to you? 

Move on is a terrible phrase, and I don’t think it ever really applies, I don’t think anyone really does, and to think you might need to move on is just too huge. But making meaning can provide a way for people to honor and continue to honor their story.

If forgiveness was a color, it would be the color gray. It sits in uncertainty and doubt.

What are some of the common barriers and obstacles that arise for participants of The Forgiveness Project? How are they addressed?

When I first started here, one of the key things was people assumed we were a religious organization, but we’re a secular organization — we’re not promoting forgiveness with a religious agenda. 

Forgiveness is a bit of a buzzword at the moment. There can be the sense that you forgive, and it’s all lovely and sunshine and rainbows and it’s going to be amazing and wonderful and easy and life will change hugely — this is something we’re quite wary of. I think that can be quite a dangerous thing. Forgiveness has to be a choice. It is always a choice. It has the potential to transform. And yet, that does not mean it is an easy journey. It’s a messy, complex thing. 

I think a lot of people with forgiveness can often see it as a betrayal, but also as a weakness. You forgive because you’re weak and you capitulate, rather than because you’re strong. I think there is also a sense that revenge is somehow honorable. And we’re very clear: There is a very necessary space for anger. Forgiveness is an ongoing process, and it’s not something that you can just switch on. There’s been some studies done that show if you bring the word forgiveness into a room, people are less likely to forgive. If forgiveness was a color, it would be the color gray. It sits in uncertainty and doubt. The work that we explore is about nuance and complexity. It’s about space and time and unfolding and emerging.

Forgiveness may be too much, but kindness is where we start.

I also think forgiveness is so big. In her work with RESTORE, Sandra Barefoot talks about kindness — being kind and being kind to yourself and to the other. Forgiveness may be too much, but kindness is where we start. And I think there’s something really important in that.

While the stories we feature are restorative narratives, they are not motivational talks or stories. The idea I changed my life, you can too isn’t a powerful thing. The connection that comes from being vulnerable and sharing a moment in life and how you found changes — here is my story — is a very powerful thing, as opposed to the idea that you can find changes if you do things the same way. 

How does gratefulness inspire you and others involved with The Forgiveness Project to make change in the world?

I am grateful to be in a position where I am surrounded by these perspectives that show how we can reclaim our humanity in the face of inhumanity. Marian Partington says of our work: “For me it has been an important part of my own healing and transformation to have the opportunity to meet other storytellers and work with them. Trauma is isolating and polarizing and the dynamics of this project are driven by the power of sharing stories to change hearts.”

I am inspired by our community of storytellers, their courage in sharing their story to draw a line under the dogma of revenge and retaliation.  

The fear, anxiety and grief that many are feeling about the state of the world can be overwhelming, and it can be difficult to stay engaged. But I think it’s important that we do, that we stand up and show up. 

How does The Forgiveness Project plan to grow?

The Forgiveness Project team and trustees. © The Forgiveness Project

The world is changing, and we must be responsive to that, continuing to develop our voice and an identity that reflects The Forgiveness Project’s ongoing search for knowledge and understanding. We’re not attempting to convert or advocate but rather model a process of exploration and inquiry.

I feel that these stories provide hope and resilience. And I think, going back to what it means to be human, seeing people stand up for all the things that they believe in provides a great inspiration.

We know that our work at The Forgiveness Project can make a difference. It’s those people who believe in the possibility of change who find forgiveness a more acceptable or possible thing. I think that is what we need. We need to believe that we can change and that we have the possibility of changing our world, our systems, our relationships to each other. It’s about sitting in uncertainty and doubt and fear and trusting the process and ourselves.  The fear, anxiety and grief that many are feeling about the state of the world can be overwhelming, and it can be difficult to stay engaged. But I think it’s important that we do, that we stand up and show up.

If you could share one message with those who are served by The Forgiveness Project, what would that be?

Our community of storytellers provides a unique insight into responding to trauma and conflict, both as victims/survivors and as perpetrators of harm and violence. Our community of storytellers not only believe in the possibility of change, they have lived it. They have a visceral understanding of our shared humanity and know that the choices we make every day define the future trajectory of our lives.

If The Forgiveness Project could share one message about gratefulness, what would it be?

Gratefulness, like forgiveness, is a daily practice. Through our storytellers we see that values such as curiosity, meaning-making, and self-reflection are key to forgiveness — as they are to gratefulness. I would ask that people go and read through our stories and reflect on forgiveness in their own lives. The reason why we think a forgiving, compassionate response to harm is so important in creating peaceful societies, is best summed up by the Franciscan author Richard Rohr: “If we do not transform our pain we will most assuredly transmit it.”

To read more about the transformative work of The Forgiveness Project, visit the website: The Forgiveness Project

To learn about other Grateful Changemakers, visit: Grateful Changemakers

Do you know of a project/program that elevates the values of grateful living? If so, we invite you to nominate them for our Grateful Changemaker article series.

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